http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1954374
i do not think i understand japanese humour.
deadball gets one deadball.
2013-06-13
2013-06-11
the thieves
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2330866
confusing korean caper. crafty criminals crack casino, confound clueless cops, cross cohorts. cannot complain considerably, cannot commend.
clap, clap.
confusing korean caper. crafty criminals crack casino, confound clueless cops, cross cohorts. cannot complain considerably, cannot commend.
clap, clap.
2013-06-07
side effects
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2053463
side effects has aspirations. aspirations of being described as having an unexpected twist, a tense game of cat and mouse, and perhaps even an electrifying climax. sadly, these high-minded aspirations go unfulfilled.
sure, there is a twist, but it was pretty obvious. will the protagonist be able to play the bad ladies against each other? of course he will. will he revenge on both of them? sure. will he get all his stuff back? you betcha. never mind how implausible it is. in the real world, the newspapers print the big story that ruins your career at the top of page one and the retraction at the bottom of page 12.
side effects gets two pills. i would give it more, but there was not enough channing tatum. worse, they dangled channing tatum in front of us and then took him away. mean! then they unexpectedly dangled hot girl on girl action in front of us and took that away too. i am too confused to know whether i think that was mean.
side effects has aspirations. aspirations of being described as having an unexpected twist, a tense game of cat and mouse, and perhaps even an electrifying climax. sadly, these high-minded aspirations go unfulfilled.
sure, there is a twist, but it was pretty obvious. will the protagonist be able to play the bad ladies against each other? of course he will. will he revenge on both of them? sure. will he get all his stuff back? you betcha. never mind how implausible it is. in the real world, the newspapers print the big story that ruins your career at the top of page one and the retraction at the bottom of page 12.
side effects gets two pills. i would give it more, but there was not enough channing tatum. worse, they dangled channing tatum in front of us and then took him away. mean! then they unexpectedly dangled hot girl on girl action in front of us and took that away too. i am too confused to know whether i think that was mean.
legend of the fist: the return of chen zhen
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1456661
legend of the fist is basically the chinese version of all those cold war period hollywood movies where the bad guy was always a russian. is the main character a legendary historical figure? eh. maybe in name, but who cares. history is dead. racism is still alive and well, though.
there are two things that legend of the fist could have used WAY more of: zombies and strippers. so many people were getting killed, just about every scene was full of dead bodies. how much fun would it have been if those dead bodies had gotten back up and kept fighting? lots of fun, that is how much. i am not sure how the strippers would fit into it, but i am sure it could be done.
legend of the fist gets two fists, mainly on the strength of the quite impressively choreographed fight sequences. too bad they were drowned out by jingoistic propaganda.
legend of the fist is basically the chinese version of all those cold war period hollywood movies where the bad guy was always a russian. is the main character a legendary historical figure? eh. maybe in name, but who cares. history is dead. racism is still alive and well, though.
there are two things that legend of the fist could have used WAY more of: zombies and strippers. so many people were getting killed, just about every scene was full of dead bodies. how much fun would it have been if those dead bodies had gotten back up and kept fighting? lots of fun, that is how much. i am not sure how the strippers would fit into it, but i am sure it could be done.
legend of the fist gets two fists, mainly on the strength of the quite impressively choreographed fight sequences. too bad they were drowned out by jingoistic propaganda.
the prophecy
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114194
you know, i recognized both the guy and the girl, but just could not remember where i knew them from. i was an hour into this movie before it finally clicked and i realized that the guy was casey jones. it took another ten minutes for me to realize that the girl was april o'neil. the whole thing was through the looking glass for me after that. it was just impossible to take it at all seriously, not that i was taking it that seriously to begin with. they were smart to include zombies, but these were the lamest zombies ever. not only were they sentient, but they did not eat brains and they did not want anything other than to die. do not even get me started on the strippers that were not in this movie.
i dunno what really happened. there were some super-powerful angels and somehow the weak humans managed to overcome them and win. whatever. the prophecy gets one immolation.
you know, i recognized both the guy and the girl, but just could not remember where i knew them from. i was an hour into this movie before it finally clicked and i realized that the guy was casey jones. it took another ten minutes for me to realize that the girl was april o'neil. the whole thing was through the looking glass for me after that. it was just impossible to take it at all seriously, not that i was taking it that seriously to begin with. they were smart to include zombies, but these were the lamest zombies ever. not only were they sentient, but they did not eat brains and they did not want anything other than to die. do not even get me started on the strippers that were not in this movie.
i dunno what really happened. there were some super-powerful angels and somehow the weak humans managed to overcome them and win. whatever. the prophecy gets one immolation.
2013-06-01
fast & furious 6
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1905041
so first of all, somebody already wrote a great review of this movie, and you should go read it. i mostly agree with the main points of that review and would summarize by saying that if you are concerned about the plot or character development or acting or whatever, then you are missing the point. the fast and furious movies are just about fun. fast fun and furious fun.
and cars! remember? drive fast and race souped up cars and stuff like that? they forgot that a little bit in this one. sure, there were cars, but...were they driving BMW SEDANS? WHAT? i could not believe what i was seeing there. and then there was the tank and the airplane...again, there were cars involved, but...it was just...i dunno. like they were trying too hard. this is fast and furious. you do not have to try that hard. just go out there, drive fast, and drive furious. and have fun. and be safe. and family.
fast & furious 6 gets three families. only two of them were earned, the third is because this movie had THE ROCK *and* gina carano *and* gal gadot in it. if they had gone all the way and put mark wahlberg in it, i do not even want to think about what might have happened.
so first of all, somebody already wrote a great review of this movie, and you should go read it. i mostly agree with the main points of that review and would summarize by saying that if you are concerned about the plot or character development or acting or whatever, then you are missing the point. the fast and furious movies are just about fun. fast fun and furious fun.
and cars! remember? drive fast and race souped up cars and stuff like that? they forgot that a little bit in this one. sure, there were cars, but...were they driving BMW SEDANS? WHAT? i could not believe what i was seeing there. and then there was the tank and the airplane...again, there were cars involved, but...it was just...i dunno. like they were trying too hard. this is fast and furious. you do not have to try that hard. just go out there, drive fast, and drive furious. and have fun. and be safe. and family.
fast & furious 6 gets three families. only two of them were earned, the third is because this movie had THE ROCK *and* gina carano *and* gal gadot in it. if they had gone all the way and put mark wahlberg in it, i do not even want to think about what might have happened.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)