in time

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1637688/

xmas movie marathon part 5

the movie was not so good, but i was still pretty entertained by j-tim.  i actually spent most of the movie not paying much attention to what was going on--you do not need to pay attention to keep up with this one--but rather, trying to figure out what kind of radical changes would be necessary for humans to actually implement the time-based currency that formed the hook for the story.  i came up with absolutely nothing. mostly because IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.

i give it two additional minutes, largely on the strength of j-tim's effervescent charisma.

sucker punch

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/

xmas move marathon part 4

the sole redeeming value of sucker punch was the beautiful graphics in the first of the tarted-up dream sequences.  the one with the giant samurai things.  the rest of it was dross.  i guess this movie was trying to survive by featuring slow motion action sequences with hot girls, but they kept distracting from that aspect with the terrible story and awful acting.  they should have picked one direction and gone with it whole-heartedly.  either a proper movie with story and acting, or porn.

i give it one unexpected blow to the gut, so there is no bruising.

the usual suspects

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114814/

xmas movie marathon part 3

i have seen the usual suspects many times, and even though i know all the twists, i remain entertained.  this is the movie that sold me on kevin spacey, gabriel byrne, all of the baldwin brothers, benicio del toro, that one short dumpy guy, chazz palminteri, and basically everybody else in the cast and crew.  i give it five suspects, of the usual variety.

the adjustment bureau

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1385826/

xmas movie marathon part 2

the adjustment bureau was kind of a cute film.  i still do not understand if that one guy was in charge and just slumming it for the whole movie or what, but it is a minor point when compared to the resolution, which basically boiled down to asking god for mercy.  apparently, the key to having that wish be granted is for one's love to be true and for you to have in your possession a magic hat.

anyway, the cast seemed to get along, the parts were all well-played, and it was an interesting story.  i give it three magic hats.

drive angry

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1502404/

xmas movie marathon part 1

drive angry is a nicholas cage movie, and i feel that this adequately sums up the experience.  ever since he was in "the rock," he has been trying to remake the feeling of that film with himself in the role of sean connery.  it is not really working.  i feel that someone with whom he shares a mutually trustful relationship should sit down with him for a heart-to-heart.  "nick, baby...you are not sean connery.  now go make more like adaptation."

captain america

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458339/

i will watch almost anything with chris evans in it. i first saw him as jake wyler in not another teen movie, which was a great movie until i told my parents about it and they watched it. i also like him in push, but that might have been because of my complete lack of expectations for the film, coupled with my love of superpowers. he is just as watchable in captain america, a film which really has nothing going for it other than chris evans. i figured that would be the case, but i watched it anyway because i saw that captain america is supposed to be in the avengers movie and i know pretty much nothing about captain america.

here is what i learned: captain america is big and strong and has an interesting (not cool or exciting, just interesting) shield. something about absorbing vibrations? not sure i understood that. bullets hitting it still seemed to cause it to make sound, and energy bolts thrown at it made him go flying. also? if you were trying to shoot captain america, and you saw that he had a shield, why would you keep aiming at the shield? go for the legs, for chrissakes. also also? if you have awesome rifle things that disintegrate the guys you are shooting at, maybe think about passing those out to your faceless minions instead of giving them regular rifles.

drive

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780504/

two things jumped out at me.

the first was that it starred the pretty boy from "the notebook," and that even though he was playing a completely different character, it was still largely the same part. that was a little weird.

the second thing that jumped out at me was that the first half of the movie set it up as a cool getaway driver film, then the second half took a sharp right turn into a bloody warzone. maybe there is some kind of philosophical statement or parallel to life in there, but i found it difficult to care. the characters who were getting killed at, including the main character, were not likable enough for me to feel one way or another on the topic of whether they should live or die. at least they avoided the cliched use of the femail love interest as a hostage.

hanna

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0993842/

i read a review which compared hanna to the bourne identity. i think this is true in much the same way that my work commute is like the tour de france.

this film had a promising premise, but failed utterly to do anything with it. they made the kid a super-soldier, but then tried to treat that as if it were the same as being a super-agent. i am just being overly nitpicky here, but it bothers me because those two things are not interchangeable. it also bothers me that the super-agent father type who trained her apparently did not teach her how to have a normal conversation with another human being. even just himself! and while i am being nitpicky, let me just add that much of the violence was completely misplaced. it would have been better suited to a low-grade slasher instead of an action movie. not only was it jarring, but it also served to distract-via-anticipation for the whole rest of the movie.

blair witch 2: book of shadows

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0229260/

i had the best of intentions. i was going to watch this in full daylight and then immediately go do a bunch of other stuff to drive it out of my mind. what actually happened is that i was busy all morning and afternoon and the rental was going to run out tonight, so i ended up watching it in the early evening. i know, i could have theoretically just not watched it, but schmolli does not roll like that.

so anyway, here i am, all alone, in the dark, hearing noises not just downstairs, but also upstairs. the silence on this floor is...anticipatory. whatever it is, it knows i will have to leave this room eventually. also, now i am hallucinating that something is peeking around the edge of the door at me. ever notice how the sound of cars on the freeway is kind of like people off in the distance screaming?

oh, the film itself was ok. not great, not terrible. probably not scary to a horror veteran, who presumably lacks the overactive imagination that is a key component of my current...situation.

great, a thump on the stairs. i needed that.

the mechanic

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472399/

"desolate" is the only word i can think of to describe this film. it had the requisite action scenes and properly intricate assassinations of well-protected people. the conflict was predictable, though reasonably well-executed.

the ending did not play out anything like i thought it would, in both good and bad ways. on the one hand, i was pleased to not be handed yet another saccharine hollywood ending, but on the other hand, i was left baffled with regard to what i was supposed to take away from this movie. for example, the character development that i thought was happening turned out to not have actually happened. it was like a giant screw you sandwich. or sammich, as i believe the kids are calling it these days. anyway, i am pretty sure that the only thing which really transformed thoughout was that a bunch of people transformed into dead. i guess there was a great deal of property damage, too.