http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108550/
sadly, the answer to the titular question was not "a mountain lion, in scene two." nor was it "cannibals, in scene two." not even "a chipper/shredder, in scene two." man, where are those zombie strippers when you really need them?
2010-06-27
knight and day
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1013743/
i understand that "knight" was the tom cruise character's real name, but other than sounding catchy, the name "knight and day" makes no sense. they could have called it "tom cruise: the movie," and i think this would have been at least as accurate, while not revealing plot points. here are a few more names i came up with in case you guys are getting stuck for names to give movies like this:
mission: highly unlikely
super-agents and super-not-agents
lemme hear you say "huh?"
the battery
the girl without the dragon tattoo
planes, automobiles, trains, more automobiles, and a seaplane
skulldriver
note that you can further punch these titles up with tactics like changing all the "s" characters to "z" characters or turning all the "k" characters backwards. you could also replace one or more characters with an apostrophe.
i liked the way most of the crazy action happened off camera, and the super-agent's offhandedness about his stunts was, ah, charming. everything else was balls. (that is "balls" as in, "like the time my cow-orker dumped a box of plastic colored balls all over my desk," not as in "testicles.") cameron diaz should stop being in movies. peter sarsgaard should stop playing characters that are so amazingly lame.
i understand that "knight" was the tom cruise character's real name, but other than sounding catchy, the name "knight and day" makes no sense. they could have called it "tom cruise: the movie," and i think this would have been at least as accurate, while not revealing plot points. here are a few more names i came up with in case you guys are getting stuck for names to give movies like this:
mission: highly unlikely
super-agents and super-not-agents
lemme hear you say "huh?"
the battery
the girl without the dragon tattoo
planes, automobiles, trains, more automobiles, and a seaplane
skulldriver
note that you can further punch these titles up with tactics like changing all the "s" characters to "z" characters or turning all the "k" characters backwards. you could also replace one or more characters with an apostrophe.
i liked the way most of the crazy action happened off camera, and the super-agent's offhandedness about his stunts was, ah, charming. everything else was balls. (that is "balls" as in, "like the time my cow-orker dumped a box of plastic colored balls all over my desk," not as in "testicles.") cameron diaz should stop being in movies. peter sarsgaard should stop playing characters that are so amazingly lame.
2010-06-18
step brothers
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0838283/
i give this movie 15 games of solitaire, because that is how many i played--and won--while watching it. the jokes were not offensive enough to be shocking, and they were certainly not funny. the only part that was really likable was mary steenbergen's smile. ms steenbergen's smile also appeared in the proposal and marilyn hotchkiss' ballroom dancing and charm school, either of which i would recommend in place of this waste of time.
i give this movie 15 games of solitaire, because that is how many i played--and won--while watching it. the jokes were not offensive enough to be shocking, and they were certainly not funny. the only part that was really likable was mary steenbergen's smile. ms steenbergen's smile also appeared in the proposal and marilyn hotchkiss' ballroom dancing and charm school, either of which i would recommend in place of this waste of time.
2010-06-03
zombie strippers
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0960890/
zombie strippers will always have a very special place in my heart. i give it three stars, one each for the zombies, the strippers, and the deep existential questions a film like this raises.
zombie strippers will always have a very special place in my heart. i give it three stars, one each for the zombies, the strippers, and the deep existential questions a film like this raises.
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