http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323594/
i laughed a few times and of course found the bobble-headed girl absolutely adorable. i am a huge unicorn fan myself, so there was another plus. steve carell was completely unrecognizable as steve carell, for yet another plus. i found the little yellow engineer minion things to be very sympathetic characters, plus one. there were really a lot of pluses here.
all those pluses add up to something, i am sure, but it is something empty and meaningless. you do not need to watch the movie to guess the plot. all of the characters, including the protagonist who goes through the requisite character development, are unidimensional. the humorous bits were delivered with a sort of monotonous regularity. i really need to start avoiding movies that are made for kids. i cannot even get the pleasure of writing a scathing review about them. what, am i going to complain that the movie caters to its audience?
maybe.
the punishment meted out to the villain was shockingly cruel. he was not much of a villain since it was clear that he was really just trying to impress his father. not very much different from the protagonist's attempts to impress his mother. and for his crime of seeking parental approval? sentenced to a slow death by asphyxiation on the moon. pretty gruesome for a kids' movie. get it? "gru"esome? i kill me.
also? you cannot just put the moon up in the sky and call it a day. the moon stays up in the sky because it is *in orbit* around the earth. if you rocket it up into the sky, then shut off the rocket, it will fall back down and kill us all. everybody knows this, even little kids who failed their fingerpainting class. in fact, some kids understand that even *with* the orbit properly set up, the moon might still fall down and kill us all, then feast upon our flesh.
sleep tight, kiddies. with one eye open.
2010-07-24
murder on the orient express
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071877/
really, i just want to brag about figuring out what was going on right about the time poirot was interviewing the second passenger. i was able to do this because my brain is *enormous*. happily, predicting the plot did not detract from my enjoyment of watching the rest of the film. twelve thumbs up.
really, i just want to brag about figuring out what was going on right about the time poirot was interviewing the second passenger. i was able to do this because my brain is *enormous*. happily, predicting the plot did not detract from my enjoyment of watching the rest of the film. twelve thumbs up.
2010-07-22
rapid fire
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105219/
the fight choreography was fabulous, very fluid and with none of the awkward pauses or positioning that plague most mainstream fighting movies. the dialog was terrible, though, like -2 stars terrible.
the fight choreography was fabulous, very fluid and with none of the awkward pauses or positioning that plague most mainstream fighting movies. the dialog was terrible, though, like -2 stars terrible.
2010-07-05
bad lieutenant: port of call: new orleans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1095217/
bad lieutenant was shot entirely with cell phone cameras on the emptied streets of new orleans, in the aftermath of hurricane katrina. they sneaked in extras under cover of darkness to act in various roles and run the cameras. other cost-cutting measures included hiring low-rent actors like nicholas cage and eva mendes to act as the leads and letting cage's kid do all the video editing on his imac.
bad lieutenant was shot entirely with cell phone cameras on the emptied streets of new orleans, in the aftermath of hurricane katrina. they sneaked in extras under cover of darkness to act in various roles and run the cameras. other cost-cutting measures included hiring low-rent actors like nicholas cage and eva mendes to act as the leads and letting cage's kid do all the video editing on his imac.
2010-07-03
the a team
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0429493/
good clean fun, but a bit hollow. i remember laughing a few times and generally being entertained, but i cannot really remember why. they flew a tank, so i guess that should count for something.
good clean fun, but a bit hollow. i remember laughing a few times and generally being entertained, but i cannot really remember why. they flew a tank, so i guess that should count for something.
point break
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102685/
who would win in a fight: patrick swayze or keanu reeves? thanks to point break, we now know that the answer to this question is "patrick swayze, at first, but then keanu reeves, except he will then let patrick swayze go after his moby dick and ultimately win--in life." or death. whatever. it was implied.
the big question in my mind has to do with why netflix recommended this one to me. my working theory is that it noted that i liked the matrix and roadhouse, then concluded that the intersection of keanu reeves and patrick swayze would be something i would really blow my mind. it was right, just not in a good way.
who would win in a fight: patrick swayze or keanu reeves? thanks to point break, we now know that the answer to this question is "patrick swayze, at first, but then keanu reeves, except he will then let patrick swayze go after his moby dick and ultimately win--in life." or death. whatever. it was implied.
the big question in my mind has to do with why netflix recommended this one to me. my working theory is that it noted that i liked the matrix and roadhouse, then concluded that the intersection of keanu reeves and patrick swayze would be something i would really blow my mind. it was right, just not in a good way.
2010-07-02
hoodwinked
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443536/
hoodwinked is a remake of kurosawa's classic, rashomon. it is about twenty times better than rashomon, which is saying a lot because rashomon was awesome. i am actually kind of prevaricating a little about the remake part, but i am confident that i can get away with it because most people will be too lazy to go look it up. i am doubly protected because most people do not know what "prevaricating" means. i guess that matters less nowadays because most people are smart enough to cut and paste words they do not know into a search box and get a quick definition. that is why i am petitioning the intarweb to cancel google and promote more walled gardens. bring back network segregation and petty fiefdoms! i figure if i can get about three and a half billion signatures, i will have a majority, and we will be able to make it happen.
aaaaanyway, hoodwinked was great.
hoodwinked is a remake of kurosawa's classic, rashomon. it is about twenty times better than rashomon, which is saying a lot because rashomon was awesome. i am actually kind of prevaricating a little about the remake part, but i am confident that i can get away with it because most people will be too lazy to go look it up. i am doubly protected because most people do not know what "prevaricating" means. i guess that matters less nowadays because most people are smart enough to cut and paste words they do not know into a search box and get a quick definition. that is why i am petitioning the intarweb to cancel google and promote more walled gardens. bring back network segregation and petty fiefdoms! i figure if i can get about three and a half billion signatures, i will have a majority, and we will be able to make it happen.
aaaaanyway, hoodwinked was great.
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