http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1980209
pain & gain was a fun little flick, though the second half dragged somewhat. i think that what happened is that the second half of the story covers the part which was well documented because various investigators had gotten involved, while they had a freer hand with the telling of the first half. to be clear, both halves were entertaining, i just found the change in tone to be a bit jarring. you should know that i researched this extensively for about five seconds, mostly by thinking about it really hard.
the best part of this movie had to be THE ROCK wearing a "team jesus" shirt, trying to convert the half-jewish kidnapped guy. i do not know how anyone could fail to love this man. maybe if they had only ever seen him in the second half of this movie. mark wahlberg was similarly lovable, but like THE ROCK, much less so in the second half, where he just walked around with bug eyes the whole time.
pain & gain gets three CIA strippers.
2014-05-22
2014-05-16
robocop
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1234721
the first robocop was a great 80s action movie. this pile of drek is a mediocre action movie with aspirations of social consciousness. to put it in layman's terms, they fucking ruined it. no, not just ruined. desecrated. smashed. violated. past this point, i generally have to start making up words. like "destroyulated," or even "viomashecrated."
this is otherwise just another sloppy rendition of the humans-will-overcome-machines formula, replete with symbolism worthy of any third grader. robocop gets one killing.
the first robocop was a great 80s action movie. this pile of drek is a mediocre action movie with aspirations of social consciousness. to put it in layman's terms, they fucking ruined it. no, not just ruined. desecrated. smashed. violated. past this point, i generally have to start making up words. like "destroyulated," or even "viomashecrated."
this is otherwise just another sloppy rendition of the humans-will-overcome-machines formula, replete with symbolism worthy of any third grader. robocop gets one killing.
2014-05-14
the family
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404311
well, what did you expect. that the kids would scatter and run away? in a movie called "the family?" what is even wrong with you.
still, it is kind of cute to watch robert de niro and michell pfeiffer be badasses. in this imaginary world, we have a mafia family blending into a french village seamlessly...cough, cough...witness protection agents moving the family every time they mess up...cough, cough...and various hijinks like blowing up a grocery store and getting away with it even though you are the only obvious suspect. that is hollywood, or perhaps france. my money is on hollywood, though.
the family gets two witness protection agents providing constant surveillance. in france.
well, what did you expect. that the kids would scatter and run away? in a movie called "the family?" what is even wrong with you.
still, it is kind of cute to watch robert de niro and michell pfeiffer be badasses. in this imaginary world, we have a mafia family blending into a french village seamlessly...cough, cough...witness protection agents moving the family every time they mess up...cough, cough...and various hijinks like blowing up a grocery store and getting away with it even though you are the only obvious suspect. that is hollywood, or perhaps france. my money is on hollywood, though.
the family gets two witness protection agents providing constant surveillance. in france.
city by the sea
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0269095
city by the sea is about cops and junkies and intra-generation strife. de niro makes it work, kind of. i was unable to connect to any of the other characters.
city by the sea gets two surprise grandchildren.
city by the sea is about cops and junkies and intra-generation strife. de niro makes it work, kind of. i was unable to connect to any of the other characters.
city by the sea gets two surprise grandchildren.
2014-05-09
most wanted
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119709
most wanted is great. no wait, that is the delirium talking. anyway, the best part was where damon wayans was being chased by the nearest 500 random passerby, zombie hoard style. how does he get away? by running across a freeway, where the steady stream of cars helpfully mows down all the pedestrians, who blindly ran out onto the freeway after him, resulting in a 5000 car pileup. does it sound ridiculous? maybe. however, it is completely representative of the rest of the movie.
most wanted gets one improvised plan.
most wanted is great. no wait, that is the delirium talking. anyway, the best part was where damon wayans was being chased by the nearest 500 random passerby, zombie hoard style. how does he get away? by running across a freeway, where the steady stream of cars helpfully mows down all the pedestrians, who blindly ran out onto the freeway after him, resulting in a 5000 car pileup. does it sound ridiculous? maybe. however, it is completely representative of the rest of the movie.
most wanted gets one improvised plan.
2014-05-08
the double
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1646980
the double is pure crap. they showed richard gere to be cassius so early in the movie that it was obvious something else was going to happen. i would greatly have appreciated if they had lead up to the real twist in any way, really, rather than just kind of making it magically appear.
i realize that the idea of a long-awaited revenge is a staple of the film industry, but i am just too tired of the blatant implausibility of such a thing to stop from rolling my eyes when i see it. 25 years? really? how do you make it that long without dying of being an asshole somewhere along the way?
also, i guess this is obvious, but richard gere as an elite agent, let alone an elite double agent, is completely unbelievable. topher grace as the inexperienced agent, on the other hand, was much more believable, but he still somehow manages to be annoying. this is frustrating to me, because i *want* to like topher grace.
the double gets one surprise russian agent.
the double is pure crap. they showed richard gere to be cassius so early in the movie that it was obvious something else was going to happen. i would greatly have appreciated if they had lead up to the real twist in any way, really, rather than just kind of making it magically appear.
i realize that the idea of a long-awaited revenge is a staple of the film industry, but i am just too tired of the blatant implausibility of such a thing to stop from rolling my eyes when i see it. 25 years? really? how do you make it that long without dying of being an asshole somewhere along the way?
also, i guess this is obvious, but richard gere as an elite agent, let alone an elite double agent, is completely unbelievable. topher grace as the inexperienced agent, on the other hand, was much more believable, but he still somehow manages to be annoying. this is frustrating to me, because i *want* to like topher grace.
the double gets one surprise russian agent.
mindhunters
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0297284
mindhunters sacrifices everything--and i mean *everything*--in its attempt to provide you with just one more plot twist. i was quite frankly expecting the bad guy to turn out to be christian slater, somehow miraculously resurrected from having been flash-frozen and shattered into pieces. it was just that kind of movie. the story does not so much develop as bludgeon you into submission.
a good plot twist is a magic trick. misdirection, rather than the simple withholding of information, is key. the sixth sense was a magic trick. the prestige was a magic trick. the usual suspects was great, but not a great *magic trick*, as the key data points that would point to the twist were not available until the big reveal. and then there is mindhunters, which was just a series of plot pointers uttered by whichever of the characters that still happens to be alive.
mindhunters gets one wristwatch set to RIGHT NOW.
mindhunters sacrifices everything--and i mean *everything*--in its attempt to provide you with just one more plot twist. i was quite frankly expecting the bad guy to turn out to be christian slater, somehow miraculously resurrected from having been flash-frozen and shattered into pieces. it was just that kind of movie. the story does not so much develop as bludgeon you into submission.
a good plot twist is a magic trick. misdirection, rather than the simple withholding of information, is key. the sixth sense was a magic trick. the prestige was a magic trick. the usual suspects was great, but not a great *magic trick*, as the key data points that would point to the twist were not available until the big reveal. and then there is mindhunters, which was just a series of plot pointers uttered by whichever of the characters that still happens to be alive.
mindhunters gets one wristwatch set to RIGHT NOW.
say anything
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098258
this is the movie where john cusack holds the boombox playing peter gabriel over his head. i basically watched it to observe that scene in its natural setting and was otherwise not expecting much from the film. so i was pleasantly pleased that, despite the predictability of the plot, this was still a pretty palatable offering. i particularly appreciated the ending, if only because when there is symbolism in a scene, i *usually* do not get it.
say anything gets three kick boxes.
this is the movie where john cusack holds the boombox playing peter gabriel over his head. i basically watched it to observe that scene in its natural setting and was otherwise not expecting much from the film. so i was pleasantly pleased that, despite the predictability of the plot, this was still a pretty palatable offering. i particularly appreciated the ending, if only because when there is symbolism in a scene, i *usually* do not get it.
say anything gets three kick boxes.
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