http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102005/
this is the kind of 80s action film my legal guardians would have rented from the local grocery video store when i was a kid. they would have let me watch it, but every time there was a nekkid lady on the screen, they would have made me cover my eyes. at the time, i failed to understand that i was supposed to peek, and thereby gain forbidden knowledge. since they yelled at me every time they thought i was trying to peek, i think they also did not understand this. it was a pretty rough childhood, what with all the misunderstanding about which child care standards we were only supposed to pay lip service to.
trip down amnesia lane aside, there is not a lot to savor here. pretty much every attribute you would care to measure came in somewhere between "lame" and "mundane."
2010-03-28
2010-03-20
charlotte sometimes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0284478/
this was a pretty low-budget picture. i guess they call those "indies" these days. the camera work was a little weird. the script was a little weird. the pacing was a little weird. the plot was a little weird. i still do not understand why the one girl was talking to herself on a tape recorder. anyway, all those weirdnesses should have added up to a big fat failure, but somehow they made it perfect instead. it reminded me of last life in the universe, partly because of that perfection, but also because both of them embraced the total nonsensicalness that dominates my existence. without the tedium, i mean.
this was a pretty low-budget picture. i guess they call those "indies" these days. the camera work was a little weird. the script was a little weird. the pacing was a little weird. the plot was a little weird. i still do not understand why the one girl was talking to herself on a tape recorder. anyway, all those weirdnesses should have added up to a big fat failure, but somehow they made it perfect instead. it reminded me of last life in the universe, partly because of that perfection, but also because both of them embraced the total nonsensicalness that dominates my existence. without the tedium, i mean.
2010-03-13
near dark
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093605/
in watching this film, i have learned something important about the close personal friend who recommended it to me, which is that he hates me and is trying to ruin my life.
in watching this film, i have learned something important about the close personal friend who recommended it to me, which is that he hates me and is trying to ruin my life.
2010-03-12
the machine girl
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1050160/
this is the best movie that has ever existed.
the quality is on par with the kind of picture you would make if you filmed it with your cell phone's built-in video recorder, a cast made up of your coworkers, on a set constructed from cardboard boxes from the dumpster out in the back of a nearby apartment complex. the dumpster would also feature prominently in your film.
this is the best movie that has ever existed.
the quality is on par with the kind of picture you would make if you filmed it with your cell phone's built-in video recorder, a cast made up of your coworkers, on a set constructed from cardboard boxes from the dumpster out in the back of a nearby apartment complex. the dumpster would also feature prominently in your film.
2010-03-11
ninja
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1182921/
this film was not so great on the acting, dialogue, or plot fronts, but what do you expect, it is an american ninja movie. you might as well complain about the lack of plot and acting in a porno. people do not watch porn for the awesome acting and provokative plots, nor do they watch american ninja movies for anything other than AWESOME NINJA ACTION.
i am going to be honest with you. "ninja" is not that great of a movie. two stars, maybe. however, i am giving it an extra plus one star and an honorable mention because of the uncompromising ferocity with which they followed--nay, attacked--the way of the american ninja movie:
- white guy in ninja school
- "asian" bad guy who was kicked out of ninja school
- key dialogue spoken in japanese-with-mandatory-english subtitles
- ninja school's teacher killed by bad guy
- japanese heroine who needs to be saved from the bad guy
i could go on, but you know what kind of movie i am talking about here. they even scored a scene where the hero carries the heroine in his arms while she looks up at him adoringly. it was very john wayne, and i nearly cried. well. my eyes were watery because i have allergies, but there was some emotion there. probably.
this film was not so great on the acting, dialogue, or plot fronts, but what do you expect, it is an american ninja movie. you might as well complain about the lack of plot and acting in a porno. people do not watch porn for the awesome acting and provokative plots, nor do they watch american ninja movies for anything other than AWESOME NINJA ACTION.
i am going to be honest with you. "ninja" is not that great of a movie. two stars, maybe. however, i am giving it an extra plus one star and an honorable mention because of the uncompromising ferocity with which they followed--nay, attacked--the way of the american ninja movie:
- white guy in ninja school
- "asian" bad guy who was kicked out of ninja school
- key dialogue spoken in japanese-with-mandatory-english subtitles
- ninja school's teacher killed by bad guy
- japanese heroine who needs to be saved from the bad guy
i could go on, but you know what kind of movie i am talking about here. they even scored a scene where the hero carries the heroine in his arms while she looks up at him adoringly. it was very john wayne, and i nearly cried. well. my eyes were watery because i have allergies, but there was some emotion there. probably.
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