http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0402910
did anybody *not* know that jason statham was a bad guy? the only real question was how many of the other main characters were also in on it. i will be honest with you, i did not follow the part where wesley snipes was actually his ex-partner? i probably lost track of a name somewhere, but i could swear they just sort of inserted a parter at the point where they wanted to reveal that it was not really the original victim's brother who had robbed the bank. oh, sorry, that was all spoilers.
chaos gets three butterflies. this is counting the plus one for the good twist handling and the minus two for the eye-rollingly bad placement of clues. hint to all you prospective criminals out there: if you want to get away with it, DO NOT PLANT CLUES FOR THE POLICE TO FOLLOW. geez.
2015-05-18
killing them softly
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764234
killing them softly is a fun little allegorical tale about what happens when regular people mess with the banks. what happens is the banks get paid no matter what. even if it is a shitty little side job that does not matter much in the grand scheme of things, the banks get paid. they have to, otherwise nobody would pay them for the big stuff, either. so now you know what brad pitt was talking about when he explained why they had to whack markie, and you get a gold star if you can figure out who richard jenkins was playing.
killing them softly gets three banks.
killing them softly is a fun little allegorical tale about what happens when regular people mess with the banks. what happens is the banks get paid no matter what. even if it is a shitty little side job that does not matter much in the grand scheme of things, the banks get paid. they have to, otherwise nobody would pay them for the big stuff, either. so now you know what brad pitt was talking about when he explained why they had to whack markie, and you get a gold star if you can figure out who richard jenkins was playing.
killing them softly gets three banks.
2015-05-11
dog pound
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1422020
dog pound is kind of like the juvenile version of felon, but more lord of the flies and with a less satisfying ending. i completely lost track of the focus in the last 20 minutes or so, when it seemed to switch from being a story about abuse of power to a story about being in a system where everybody is a victim. that deep insight was not brought to you by my high school english teacher, by the way. rather, it is due to the patience and support of a multitude of friends and random passerby who toiled thanklessly to combat the deep sense of fear and mistrust about all things art-related that was instilled in me by my high school english teacher. i sincerely hope that she is happily retired and has been replaced by someone who does not hate children.
dog pound gets two abusive everythings.
dog pound is kind of like the juvenile version of felon, but more lord of the flies and with a less satisfying ending. i completely lost track of the focus in the last 20 minutes or so, when it seemed to switch from being a story about abuse of power to a story about being in a system where everybody is a victim. that deep insight was not brought to you by my high school english teacher, by the way. rather, it is due to the patience and support of a multitude of friends and random passerby who toiled thanklessly to combat the deep sense of fear and mistrust about all things art-related that was instilled in me by my high school english teacher. i sincerely hope that she is happily retired and has been replaced by someone who does not hate children.
dog pound gets two abusive everythings.
2015-05-10
furious seven
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2820852
it took me about a week to realize that there were seven people in the protagonist group of furious seven, and that they were indeed furious. having made this connection, i suddenly realized there was another level to the titles of these movies, and after further "research", i found that yes, about half of them did indeed have a double entendre embedded in the title of the movie. fascinating. i feel like i have been schooled by a third grader.
furious seven is ok as far as action movies go. it unfortunately suffers from being unable to decide whether it is a racer movie or an action movie much of the time. however, if you have been following the series, then you should be used to that by now. it has not been a racer movie since tokyo drift, and most of us do not really acknowledge that one. that means it has not *really* been a racer movie since 2 fast 2 furious, which none of us acknowledge. which means, in turn, that it has not been a racer movie since the very first one.
the one thing that really surprised me about this film was the amount of effort they put into bidding adieu to paul walker. they used symbolism and everything! as surprising as it was, it was also very touching, which is something i never thought i would see in a fast/furious movie.
furious seven gets three families.
it took me about a week to realize that there were seven people in the protagonist group of furious seven, and that they were indeed furious. having made this connection, i suddenly realized there was another level to the titles of these movies, and after further "research", i found that yes, about half of them did indeed have a double entendre embedded in the title of the movie. fascinating. i feel like i have been schooled by a third grader.
furious seven is ok as far as action movies go. it unfortunately suffers from being unable to decide whether it is a racer movie or an action movie much of the time. however, if you have been following the series, then you should be used to that by now. it has not been a racer movie since tokyo drift, and most of us do not really acknowledge that one. that means it has not *really* been a racer movie since 2 fast 2 furious, which none of us acknowledge. which means, in turn, that it has not been a racer movie since the very first one.
the one thing that really surprised me about this film was the amount of effort they put into bidding adieu to paul walker. they used symbolism and everything! as surprising as it was, it was also very touching, which is something i never thought i would see in a fast/furious movie.
furious seven gets three families.
the november man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2402157
the november man is what james bond could be if james bond was more about content and plot than flashiness and being-james-bond. the plot was twisty enough to be interesting without being overly convoluted. the casting seemed to be entirely appropriate. the action sequences were extreme enough to demonstrate that these were supposed to be superagents, but not so overdone that i was forced to roll my eyes. i was actually quite happy with the overall package. the things i was less wild about were the contrived love story and the improbably long line of bodies that, to be fair, the title of the movie sort of required.
ok, one more thing i will complain about is the practice of giving movies a title which goes completely unexplained until the last 20 minutes. extra negative points if it is a dedicated scene which could otherwise have just been cut. extra extra negative points if the explanation is given via exposition. extra extra extra negative points if the explanation is given by a bad guy to the good guy after one of them has gotten the drop on the other. i never feel like it is a rewarding experience, i do not grin and say to my self, "oh, so *that* is why..." instead, i think something like (sarcastic) "nice title, assholes" or (disparaging) "guess you assholes could not come up with a good title, eh?" or (disgusted/angry) "i bet you ass holes ADDED THAT SCENE to fit the title" or (elizabethian) "a pox upon thee, assholes!" or (vindictive) "a pox upon thine assholes!"
the november man gets four quarters for keeping its head down and just being a decent film. also for violating all my rules about movie titles in the most tasteful way possible.
the november man is what james bond could be if james bond was more about content and plot than flashiness and being-james-bond. the plot was twisty enough to be interesting without being overly convoluted. the casting seemed to be entirely appropriate. the action sequences were extreme enough to demonstrate that these were supposed to be superagents, but not so overdone that i was forced to roll my eyes. i was actually quite happy with the overall package. the things i was less wild about were the contrived love story and the improbably long line of bodies that, to be fair, the title of the movie sort of required.
ok, one more thing i will complain about is the practice of giving movies a title which goes completely unexplained until the last 20 minutes. extra negative points if it is a dedicated scene which could otherwise have just been cut. extra extra negative points if the explanation is given via exposition. extra extra extra negative points if the explanation is given by a bad guy to the good guy after one of them has gotten the drop on the other. i never feel like it is a rewarding experience, i do not grin and say to my self, "oh, so *that* is why..." instead, i think something like (sarcastic) "nice title, assholes" or (disparaging) "guess you assholes could not come up with a good title, eh?" or (disgusted/angry) "i bet you ass holes ADDED THAT SCENE to fit the title" or (elizabethian) "a pox upon thee, assholes!" or (vindictive) "a pox upon thine assholes!"
the november man gets four quarters for keeping its head down and just being a decent film. also for violating all my rules about movie titles in the most tasteful way possible.
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