the big hit; also, vampires

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120609/

is it supposed to be a comedy? an action film? a spoof? hell if i know. it felt like they were trying to be humorous, but none of the material was funny. they had guns and explosions, but the action was totally lame. the main character was so pathetic that i could not figure out how anyone could possibly like him. i mean, sure, it was mark wahlberg, but really.

enough about this crappy movie, i want to talk about something much more important: vampires.

there so many different versions of vampires. wikipedia even has a page full of vampire matrices to help decode the different versions. i never used to worry about vampires, until i read that page. there are so many different kinds, many with completely different vulnerabilities. i knew vampires were hard to kill already, but it has become painfully clear to me that i have been underestimating the difficulty in thinking i merely had to dodge razor sharp claws and teeth long enough to drive a stake into their hearts or kick them through a window and into daylight. no, now i know that there will be a phase to the operation where you have to figure out what *kind* of vampire you are dealing with, and only then can you put a plan into action for destroying the unholy beasts.

speaking of vampires, avoid "vampire$" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120877/) the movie. the book was awesome, though. in fact, read anything by john steakley.

shinobi: heart under blade

the netflix summary compared this movie to romeo and juliet, which caused me to immediately expect it to suck. happily, this film differed quite a bit from that drek. the characters were not completely unlikable, they did not go on and on and on and on about how madly in love they were with each other, there was absolutely no singing until the credits, and for the most part, everybody who died did so relatively quickly and quietly, even the characters who had to deliver monologues before punching out. best of all, unlike shakespeare's tripe, just about everybody was a ninja! yeah! ninjas make every movie better.

however, one thing that they did have in common with romeo and juliet is that the two ninja clans had the age-old grudge match thing going on. i never understand inter-generational grudges. people should be smart enough to understand that once the origins of the grudge has been lost in time, it is time to give it up. i know that people do not really work that way, but...i want to believe. unicorns and santa claus have been taken from me already, so the idea that humans can overcome their baser natures is really all i have left now.

superior ninja action motivated by a reasonable plot and acting earns this film a solid four (throwing) stars.