http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1458915
yet another stone cold steve austin film. he is getting better at the whole acting thing, and he is getting better co-stars (michael jai white!), but even stone cold can get blindsided by a terrible script with absolutely no redeeming values. it is like when you are in a tag-team wrasslin' match and one of your opponents starts mouthing off. so you walk over there to have a quiet word with him, but he just keeps laying into you with the insults. you stand there, mouth hanging open, clearly unable to believe what you are hearing, but still trying to reason with him. it is your firm believe that all humans deserve the benefit of the doubt and your best effort at understanding their viewpoint. meanwhile, behind your back, your opponent's partner and one of his friends has snuck into the ring with a folding chair. suddenly, BAM! you are seeing stars as you are simultaneously hit with a folding chair, a flying kick from the top of the turnbuckle, and a 2x4 that was inexplicably lying around near the ring. incredibly, the force of all these blows knocks you over the top rope, and you go flying out of the ring. your fall is broken when you land on the judge's table at ringside, which collapses underneath you.
tactical force gets one folding chair.
2013-01-31
2013-01-18
seven psychopaths
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1931533/
seven psychopaths is great. funny, good writing, awesome characters, very watchable. the psychopaths were all caricatures, of course, which is why the movie was great and funny instead of sickening and terrifying.
nothing enlightening here, just good, clean, vicious, incredibly bloody fun. seven psychopaths gets four stolen dogs.
seven psychopaths is great. funny, good writing, awesome characters, very watchable. the psychopaths were all caricatures, of course, which is why the movie was great and funny instead of sickening and terrifying.
nothing enlightening here, just good, clean, vicious, incredibly bloody fun. seven psychopaths gets four stolen dogs.
2013-01-10
haywire
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1506999/
i was expecting a decent action flick, but haywire far exceeded my expectations. the story was interesting and the combat was beautifully choreographed, though a little flashy. i also liked how the movie ran straight ahead towards the conclusion without flinching or turning aside. it was nice and efficient, and i like that in a movie.
haywire gets four leaping punches.
i was expecting a decent action flick, but haywire far exceeded my expectations. the story was interesting and the combat was beautifully choreographed, though a little flashy. i also liked how the movie ran straight ahead towards the conclusion without flinching or turning aside. it was nice and efficient, and i like that in a movie.
haywire gets four leaping punches.
2013-01-07
transformers 3: dark side of the moon
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1399103/
if you have read my reviews of the previous transformers movies, you were probably assuming that i would not bother to see the third one. this was a pretty safe bet up until the point at which somebody waved a free viewing of a movie about giant robots in front of my face. i love giant robots almost as much as i love vampires.
transformers 3 is essentially another three hours of the same drek that the first two were made out of. i heard that the destruction of chicago was something not to be missed, but i do not believe that is really true. they showed some building getting knocked over, but much in the same way that the robots all looked the same after a while, the destruction of landmarks also took on an air of monotonousness. i actually meant to type "anonymousness" there, but apparently auto-correct thinks that is not a word. i decided that auto-correct's suggestion was completely fitting, so i let it stand. why not. adjectives all around.
i am tempted to give them points for trying to fit their plot around the space race/moon landing back in the seventies, but the resulting timeline and plot points just do not make sense. shia laboof continues to nauseate, and megan fox replacement brought even less to the picture than megan fox did. this is an accomplishment in and of itself.
transformers 3 gets two transformers, mostly because i am a sucker for giant robots. here is hoping that transformers 4 has vampires in addition to giant robots.
if you have read my reviews of the previous transformers movies, you were probably assuming that i would not bother to see the third one. this was a pretty safe bet up until the point at which somebody waved a free viewing of a movie about giant robots in front of my face. i love giant robots almost as much as i love vampires.
transformers 3 is essentially another three hours of the same drek that the first two were made out of. i heard that the destruction of chicago was something not to be missed, but i do not believe that is really true. they showed some building getting knocked over, but much in the same way that the robots all looked the same after a while, the destruction of landmarks also took on an air of monotonousness. i actually meant to type "anonymousness" there, but apparently auto-correct thinks that is not a word. i decided that auto-correct's suggestion was completely fitting, so i let it stand. why not. adjectives all around.
i am tempted to give them points for trying to fit their plot around the space race/moon landing back in the seventies, but the resulting timeline and plot points just do not make sense. shia laboof continues to nauseate, and megan fox replacement brought even less to the picture than megan fox did. this is an accomplishment in and of itself.
transformers 3 gets two transformers, mostly because i am a sucker for giant robots. here is hoping that transformers 4 has vampires in addition to giant robots.
the stranger
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1407078/
stone cold steve austin stars in another terrible movie that, like an ugly child, you can only love. the lack of pretentiousness in this film made it impossible for me to take it seriously enough to be disappointed by the lack of positive attributes. on the other hand, austin's fight scenes are getting better--he spends less time standing there waiting to get hit--and his one-liners are getting better. the two main things i note as downturns from his preceding films is the extensive use of shaky cam and flashbacks. i guess neither of those things is something i can blame on steve austin, though.
the stranger gets two flashbacks.
stone cold steve austin stars in another terrible movie that, like an ugly child, you can only love. the lack of pretentiousness in this film made it impossible for me to take it seriously enough to be disappointed by the lack of positive attributes. on the other hand, austin's fight scenes are getting better--he spends less time standing there waiting to get hit--and his one-liners are getting better. the two main things i note as downturns from his preceding films is the extensive use of shaky cam and flashbacks. i guess neither of those things is something i can blame on steve austin, though.
the stranger gets two flashbacks.
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