http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2381249
they had the motor vehicle chases and explosions, alright, but if you try to engage your brain at all with either the mechanics or the plot, you are going to have a bad time. there is just so much to complain about, i am not sure where to start. so let me just say that everything about the motor vehicle chases was wrong. ditto for the super secret computing facility they broke into, the one with the cooling system that made absolutely no sense. as well as for every single piece of the plot line. also--and this is very important--if you ever find yourself closed in a bulletproof box, STOP SHOOTING. also also, if you ever find yourself *outside* a bulletproof box and the person inside the box continues to shoot at you while inexplicably not dying, DO NOT STAND STILL. "bulletproof" is a suggestion, not a natural law.
with all that said, the stunts were good and everyone seemed to be having a good time. so there is that.
MIRN gets two shattered knees.
2015-08-13
a simple plan
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120324
a simple plan is a tragedy about what happens when you combine a huge windfall with some people who do not trust each other. i did not expect to like it much, but it went down surprisingly easily.
also, fun thought exercise. what do you do if you find 4.4 million dollars in cash? do not worry about it being marked or the serial numbers being recorded somewhere, just assume it is a bunch of clean $100 bills. you are probably in petty cash for life, assuming you can consistently unload $100 bills, but can you buy a house? a car? pay rent, even? guess it depends on how much your rent is. my point is that most people are going to blink and look at you funny if you hand them a wad of $100 bills. i blink and look at people funny when they hand me *one* $100 bill, though i am always careful to say "thank you" and not complain.
for the record, i am totally cool with people handing me money of pretty much any denomination, especially if i do not have to give it back.
where was i. ok, yeah, so having all that money would be cool, i guess, but almost more trouble than it is worth since it is hard to use it quickly or in large quantities. in the meantime, you have to haul it around and keep it hidden. most laundering methods i know of involve some large amount of overhead, such as paying half the proceeds to a professional launderer or the IRS.
a simple plan gets three $100 bills and an eye-roll as we all exclaim that money is the root of all evil.
a simple plan is a tragedy about what happens when you combine a huge windfall with some people who do not trust each other. i did not expect to like it much, but it went down surprisingly easily.
also, fun thought exercise. what do you do if you find 4.4 million dollars in cash? do not worry about it being marked or the serial numbers being recorded somewhere, just assume it is a bunch of clean $100 bills. you are probably in petty cash for life, assuming you can consistently unload $100 bills, but can you buy a house? a car? pay rent, even? guess it depends on how much your rent is. my point is that most people are going to blink and look at you funny if you hand them a wad of $100 bills. i blink and look at people funny when they hand me *one* $100 bill, though i am always careful to say "thank you" and not complain.
for the record, i am totally cool with people handing me money of pretty much any denomination, especially if i do not have to give it back.
where was i. ok, yeah, so having all that money would be cool, i guess, but almost more trouble than it is worth since it is hard to use it quickly or in large quantities. in the meantime, you have to haul it around and keep it hidden. most laundering methods i know of involve some large amount of overhead, such as paying half the proceeds to a professional launderer or the IRS.
a simple plan gets three $100 bills and an eye-roll as we all exclaim that money is the root of all evil.
2015-08-08
one eight seven
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118531
this turned out very differently from the movie i thought i was watching. moral of the story: if you kill somebody, do not take any souvenirs. also, if you are a teacher, avoid inviting students to your house.
one eight seven gets four rosaries.
this turned out very differently from the movie i thought i was watching. moral of the story: if you kill somebody, do not take any souvenirs. also, if you are a teacher, avoid inviting students to your house.
one eight seven gets four rosaries.
2015-07-26
ant man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478970
ant man is not that good. this is the most farcical of the marvel movies, and i think it was a good choice to play it that way because paul rudd is allergic to playing completely serious roles. still, a lot of the jokes fell flat, and i hope they do not let him ruin the rest of the marvel movies that ant man ends up in. the other part that fell flat was that the bad guy was just sooooooo unconvincing as a bad guy. i last saw corey stoll as the alcoholic senator in house of cards, where he was very convincing playing an ineffective person. imdb says he was in five other films i have seen, none of which i remember him being in. so that tells you something about how memorable his parts are. i have already started forgetting what he did in ant man. did he play a senator? something like that.
i am now going to complain about something. i know, you cannot believe it and you need to sit down for a minute, right? paul rudd learned how to be ant man in like three days. why oh why. they did his training as a montage anyway, why not just say it was three months? it still would have been pretty unbelievable, but at least it is believable that he would have been able to learn how to throw a decent punch, deal with rapid miniaturization/enlargement, and make some progress on communing with ants. yellowjacket did not get to do any training at all! how did he put up such a big fight?
just in case you feel compelled to watch this movie because you are concerned about missing some background for other marvel movies, here is what you need to know: paul rudd is ant man. michael douglas used to be ant man. evangeline lilly is going to be wasp (aka flying ant man.) hydra got a sample of the pim particle. falcon fought ant man and wants to bring him into the avengers. stan lee cameoed as a bartender in this one. many ants died to bring you this information.
ant man gets two miniature tanks. hey, wait, i thought miniaturized things were supposed to retain their mass?
ant man is not that good. this is the most farcical of the marvel movies, and i think it was a good choice to play it that way because paul rudd is allergic to playing completely serious roles. still, a lot of the jokes fell flat, and i hope they do not let him ruin the rest of the marvel movies that ant man ends up in. the other part that fell flat was that the bad guy was just sooooooo unconvincing as a bad guy. i last saw corey stoll as the alcoholic senator in house of cards, where he was very convincing playing an ineffective person. imdb says he was in five other films i have seen, none of which i remember him being in. so that tells you something about how memorable his parts are. i have already started forgetting what he did in ant man. did he play a senator? something like that.
i am now going to complain about something. i know, you cannot believe it and you need to sit down for a minute, right? paul rudd learned how to be ant man in like three days. why oh why. they did his training as a montage anyway, why not just say it was three months? it still would have been pretty unbelievable, but at least it is believable that he would have been able to learn how to throw a decent punch, deal with rapid miniaturization/enlargement, and make some progress on communing with ants. yellowjacket did not get to do any training at all! how did he put up such a big fight?
just in case you feel compelled to watch this movie because you are concerned about missing some background for other marvel movies, here is what you need to know: paul rudd is ant man. michael douglas used to be ant man. evangeline lilly is going to be wasp (aka flying ant man.) hydra got a sample of the pim particle. falcon fought ant man and wants to bring him into the avengers. stan lee cameoed as a bartender in this one. many ants died to bring you this information.
ant man gets two miniature tanks. hey, wait, i thought miniaturized things were supposed to retain their mass?
2015-07-25
horrible bosses 2
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2170439
something you might not know about me is that i *loathe* incompetence. so horrible bosses and its sequel were absolute torture. with that said, i now have a great deal more respect for messers foxxxxxx and pinnnnne, who managed to wink *exactly* as much as was required for them to pull their characters off. similarly, aniston's character was farcical enough to get laughs out of a premise that is actually quite horrifying if you view it in a more normal context. bateman played the same character he always plays, which is basically fine because he does a good job of it.
ok, wait, i have it. the characters were good. everything else was meh. plus incompetence. so.
horrible bosses 2 gets 2 horrible bosses.
something you might not know about me is that i *loathe* incompetence. so horrible bosses and its sequel were absolute torture. with that said, i now have a great deal more respect for messers foxxxxxx and pinnnnne, who managed to wink *exactly* as much as was required for them to pull their characters off. similarly, aniston's character was farcical enough to get laughs out of a premise that is actually quite horrifying if you view it in a more normal context. bateman played the same character he always plays, which is basically fine because he does a good job of it.
ok, wait, i have it. the characters were good. everything else was meh. plus incompetence. so.
horrible bosses 2 gets 2 horrible bosses.
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