despicable me

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323594/

i laughed a few times and of course found the bobble-headed girl absolutely adorable. i am a huge unicorn fan myself, so there was another plus. steve carell was completely unrecognizable as steve carell, for yet another plus. i found the little yellow engineer minion things to be very sympathetic characters, plus one. there were really a lot of pluses here.

all those pluses add up to something, i am sure, but it is something empty and meaningless. you do not need to watch the movie to guess the plot. all of the characters, including the protagonist who goes through the requisite character development, are unidimensional. the humorous bits were delivered with a sort of monotonous regularity. i really need to start avoiding movies that are made for kids. i cannot even get the pleasure of writing a scathing review about them. what, am i going to complain that the movie caters to its audience?

maybe.

the punishment meted out to the villain was shockingly cruel. he was not much of a villain since it was clear that he was really just trying to impress his father. not very much different from the protagonist's attempts to impress his mother. and for his crime of seeking parental approval? sentenced to a slow death by asphyxiation on the moon. pretty gruesome for a kids' movie. get it? "gru"esome? i kill me.

also? you cannot just put the moon up in the sky and call it a day. the moon stays up in the sky because it is *in orbit* around the earth. if you rocket it up into the sky, then shut off the rocket, it will fall back down and kill us all. everybody knows this, even little kids who failed their fingerpainting class. in fact, some kids understand that even *with* the orbit properly set up, the moon might still fall down and kill us all, then feast upon our flesh.

sleep tight, kiddies. with one eye open.

murder on the orient express

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071877/

really, i just want to brag about figuring out what was going on right about the time poirot was interviewing the second passenger. i was able to do this because my brain is *enormous*. happily, predicting the plot did not detract from my enjoyment of watching the rest of the film. twelve thumbs up.

rapid fire

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105219/

the fight choreography was fabulous, very fluid and with none of the awkward pauses or positioning that plague most mainstream fighting movies. the dialog was terrible, though, like -2 stars terrible.

bad lieutenant: port of call: new orleans

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1095217/

bad lieutenant was shot entirely with cell phone cameras on the emptied streets of new orleans, in the aftermath of hurricane katrina. they sneaked in extras under cover of darkness to act in various roles and run the cameras. other cost-cutting measures included hiring low-rent actors like nicholas cage and eva mendes to act as the leads and letting cage's kid do all the video editing on his imac.

the a team

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0429493/

good clean fun, but a bit hollow. i remember laughing a few times and generally being entertained, but i cannot really remember why. they flew a tank, so i guess that should count for something.