http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1422020
dog pound is kind of like the juvenile version of felon, but more lord of the flies and with a less satisfying ending. i completely lost track of the focus in the last 20 minutes or so, when it seemed to switch from being a story about abuse of power to a story about being in a system where everybody is a victim. that deep insight was not brought to you by my high school english teacher, by the way. rather, it is due to the patience and support of a multitude of friends and random passerby who toiled thanklessly to combat the deep sense of fear and mistrust about all things art-related that was instilled in me by my high school english teacher. i sincerely hope that she is happily retired and has been replaced by someone who does not hate children.
dog pound gets two abusive everythings.
2015-05-11
2015-05-10
furious seven
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2820852
it took me about a week to realize that there were seven people in the protagonist group of furious seven, and that they were indeed furious. having made this connection, i suddenly realized there was another level to the titles of these movies, and after further "research", i found that yes, about half of them did indeed have a double entendre embedded in the title of the movie. fascinating. i feel like i have been schooled by a third grader.
furious seven is ok as far as action movies go. it unfortunately suffers from being unable to decide whether it is a racer movie or an action movie much of the time. however, if you have been following the series, then you should be used to that by now. it has not been a racer movie since tokyo drift, and most of us do not really acknowledge that one. that means it has not *really* been a racer movie since 2 fast 2 furious, which none of us acknowledge. which means, in turn, that it has not been a racer movie since the very first one.
the one thing that really surprised me about this film was the amount of effort they put into bidding adieu to paul walker. they used symbolism and everything! as surprising as it was, it was also very touching, which is something i never thought i would see in a fast/furious movie.
furious seven gets three families.
it took me about a week to realize that there were seven people in the protagonist group of furious seven, and that they were indeed furious. having made this connection, i suddenly realized there was another level to the titles of these movies, and after further "research", i found that yes, about half of them did indeed have a double entendre embedded in the title of the movie. fascinating. i feel like i have been schooled by a third grader.
furious seven is ok as far as action movies go. it unfortunately suffers from being unable to decide whether it is a racer movie or an action movie much of the time. however, if you have been following the series, then you should be used to that by now. it has not been a racer movie since tokyo drift, and most of us do not really acknowledge that one. that means it has not *really* been a racer movie since 2 fast 2 furious, which none of us acknowledge. which means, in turn, that it has not been a racer movie since the very first one.
the one thing that really surprised me about this film was the amount of effort they put into bidding adieu to paul walker. they used symbolism and everything! as surprising as it was, it was also very touching, which is something i never thought i would see in a fast/furious movie.
furious seven gets three families.
the november man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2402157
the november man is what james bond could be if james bond was more about content and plot than flashiness and being-james-bond. the plot was twisty enough to be interesting without being overly convoluted. the casting seemed to be entirely appropriate. the action sequences were extreme enough to demonstrate that these were supposed to be superagents, but not so overdone that i was forced to roll my eyes. i was actually quite happy with the overall package. the things i was less wild about were the contrived love story and the improbably long line of bodies that, to be fair, the title of the movie sort of required.
ok, one more thing i will complain about is the practice of giving movies a title which goes completely unexplained until the last 20 minutes. extra negative points if it is a dedicated scene which could otherwise have just been cut. extra extra negative points if the explanation is given via exposition. extra extra extra negative points if the explanation is given by a bad guy to the good guy after one of them has gotten the drop on the other. i never feel like it is a rewarding experience, i do not grin and say to my self, "oh, so *that* is why..." instead, i think something like (sarcastic) "nice title, assholes" or (disparaging) "guess you assholes could not come up with a good title, eh?" or (disgusted/angry) "i bet you ass holes ADDED THAT SCENE to fit the title" or (elizabethian) "a pox upon thee, assholes!" or (vindictive) "a pox upon thine assholes!"
the november man gets four quarters for keeping its head down and just being a decent film. also for violating all my rules about movie titles in the most tasteful way possible.
the november man is what james bond could be if james bond was more about content and plot than flashiness and being-james-bond. the plot was twisty enough to be interesting without being overly convoluted. the casting seemed to be entirely appropriate. the action sequences were extreme enough to demonstrate that these were supposed to be superagents, but not so overdone that i was forced to roll my eyes. i was actually quite happy with the overall package. the things i was less wild about were the contrived love story and the improbably long line of bodies that, to be fair, the title of the movie sort of required.
ok, one more thing i will complain about is the practice of giving movies a title which goes completely unexplained until the last 20 minutes. extra negative points if it is a dedicated scene which could otherwise have just been cut. extra extra negative points if the explanation is given via exposition. extra extra extra negative points if the explanation is given by a bad guy to the good guy after one of them has gotten the drop on the other. i never feel like it is a rewarding experience, i do not grin and say to my self, "oh, so *that* is why..." instead, i think something like (sarcastic) "nice title, assholes" or (disparaging) "guess you assholes could not come up with a good title, eh?" or (disgusted/angry) "i bet you ass holes ADDED THAT SCENE to fit the title" or (elizabethian) "a pox upon thee, assholes!" or (vindictive) "a pox upon thine assholes!"
the november man gets four quarters for keeping its head down and just being a decent film. also for violating all my rules about movie titles in the most tasteful way possible.
2015-04-24
red 2
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1821694
i guess they must have made enough money off of red that they felt comfortable taking a chance on red 2. or possibly they had a coupon for some free bruce willis? i know if i had a coupon for free bruce willis, i would be all like, hey, we should make a movie. that is not really what i would like a free coupon for, though. what i would like a free coupon for would be something more like could we all please chill out and make the world a better place. not for our hypothetical children, who would probably be a bunch of ungrateful jerks about it anyway, but for us, right now. put down your guns and bombs, and finally understand that we are all stuck here together so SHARE YOUR GODDAMN TOYS AND PLAY NICE.
once everybody is playing nicely together, i will really be able to take advantage of them. and that will be very good for me and my hypothetical children. i shall build a moon castle and fill it with hypothetical chocolate and whiskey, plus a non-hypothetical atmosphere.
red 2 gets one hypothetical superbomb.
i guess they must have made enough money off of red that they felt comfortable taking a chance on red 2. or possibly they had a coupon for some free bruce willis? i know if i had a coupon for free bruce willis, i would be all like, hey, we should make a movie. that is not really what i would like a free coupon for, though. what i would like a free coupon for would be something more like could we all please chill out and make the world a better place. not for our hypothetical children, who would probably be a bunch of ungrateful jerks about it anyway, but for us, right now. put down your guns and bombs, and finally understand that we are all stuck here together so SHARE YOUR GODDAMN TOYS AND PLAY NICE.
once everybody is playing nicely together, i will really be able to take advantage of them. and that will be very good for me and my hypothetical children. i shall build a moon castle and fill it with hypothetical chocolate and whiskey, plus a non-hypothetical atmosphere.
red 2 gets one hypothetical superbomb.
2015-04-08
bounty killer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2369396
bounty killer lets you know right in the first ten seconds what you are up against. spoiler: it is the wall. the wall of shame. the shame of a person who has watched. watched something they knew better than to watch.
i will be honest with you. i watched bounty killer because i was procrastinating on my taxes, which i should absolutely not have been doing. but what do they expect, with such a painful process. it is not as much about the big check i write them every year as it is about how complicated the forms are. the AMT is my favorite example. it takes a good idea ("everybody should have some minimum tax liability so we can eliminate freeloaders") and blows it by having as many loopholes as the regular tax worksheet. also, they blow it by starting from the endpoint of the regular taxes and adding all the deductions back in instead of starting from the income and multiplying by...whatever the AMT tax rate is. i was talking about this a while back with a guy and was surprised to discover that i was essentially advocating for a flat tax, or at least a graduated tax with no deductions. good luck getting that to pass, though, since it would involve eliminating everybody's favorite deductions. pfft. people. hate 'em.
so anyway, this is the backdrop against which we show a movie called bounty killer. of course i hated it, it was crap. but more than that, it was economically implausible crap. "the corporations" do not want to make a post-apocalyptic world or to bring down government. government and the wealth of other corporations are the ecosystem that sustains corporate entities! duh. take away the government and the corporate ecosystem, and you just have gangs. real gangs understand this, of course, and they seek the equivalent of nation-state status via treaties with other gangs. i am not going to back that up with any documentation because i just made it up, but it makes sense if you think about it. fighting every day is a young person's game. when you get old, like over 27 or so, you want to have a couple days off from fighting every week. when you get to be really old, like 35 or so, fighting is that thing you do when you get fed up and want to teach the youngsters a lesson after they have been advocating a raid on your favorite neighboring gang for like a month straight. nobody lives past 36 because eventually the youngsters sneak into your bedroom at night and off you in your sleep.
i made that up, too, but it also makes sense if you think about it.
bounty killer gets one yellow tie. pro tip: if the thing which marks you as a target is that you are wearing a yellow tie, maybe take the tie off? or switch to purple? just a thought. also, who the fuck made all those suits?
bounty killer lets you know right in the first ten seconds what you are up against. spoiler: it is the wall. the wall of shame. the shame of a person who has watched. watched something they knew better than to watch.
i will be honest with you. i watched bounty killer because i was procrastinating on my taxes, which i should absolutely not have been doing. but what do they expect, with such a painful process. it is not as much about the big check i write them every year as it is about how complicated the forms are. the AMT is my favorite example. it takes a good idea ("everybody should have some minimum tax liability so we can eliminate freeloaders") and blows it by having as many loopholes as the regular tax worksheet. also, they blow it by starting from the endpoint of the regular taxes and adding all the deductions back in instead of starting from the income and multiplying by...whatever the AMT tax rate is. i was talking about this a while back with a guy and was surprised to discover that i was essentially advocating for a flat tax, or at least a graduated tax with no deductions. good luck getting that to pass, though, since it would involve eliminating everybody's favorite deductions. pfft. people. hate 'em.
so anyway, this is the backdrop against which we show a movie called bounty killer. of course i hated it, it was crap. but more than that, it was economically implausible crap. "the corporations" do not want to make a post-apocalyptic world or to bring down government. government and the wealth of other corporations are the ecosystem that sustains corporate entities! duh. take away the government and the corporate ecosystem, and you just have gangs. real gangs understand this, of course, and they seek the equivalent of nation-state status via treaties with other gangs. i am not going to back that up with any documentation because i just made it up, but it makes sense if you think about it. fighting every day is a young person's game. when you get old, like over 27 or so, you want to have a couple days off from fighting every week. when you get to be really old, like 35 or so, fighting is that thing you do when you get fed up and want to teach the youngsters a lesson after they have been advocating a raid on your favorite neighboring gang for like a month straight. nobody lives past 36 because eventually the youngsters sneak into your bedroom at night and off you in your sleep.
i made that up, too, but it also makes sense if you think about it.
bounty killer gets one yellow tie. pro tip: if the thing which marks you as a target is that you are wearing a yellow tie, maybe take the tie off? or switch to purple? just a thought. also, who the fuck made all those suits?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)