cellular

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337921

captain america, from back in his jake wyler days!  such a hunk.  aaaaaaaand that was all the high points.  special shout-out for horrible overacting from kim basinger and horrible acting from most everybody else.  the limitations of the cell phone were laughably overplayed, though to be fair this was 2004, when cell phone technologies were apparently hilarious.

man. what a drag. by the 20 minute mark, i was already chafing for it to be over.  by the 40 minute mark, i was in denial that it was still happening.  by the 60 minute mark, i was grasping for something, anything, to make it end.  oh, but not really, because i could have just shut it off, right?  makes you wonder what *really* makes people tick, eh?  in my case, it is not so much a tick as low hum, though if you had a geiger counter, you might hear *it* start ticking.

this story has a happy ending.  sort of.  what happened is that i started writing this review, and it took me about half an hour, and since the movie was so incredibly predictable, it did not take any actual attention to follow what was going on.  unfortunately, that means that the pain was essentially transferred to you.  (sorry, mom.)

cellular gets one bar.  GET IT?  A CELLULAR JOKE?  for layers, consider the fact that i made that joke as bad as the review, which was, in turn, as bad as the movie.  and if you want to see how much deeper the rabbit hole goes, you better start digging.  'cause it goes all the way down, baby.  all. the. way.

WOO!